A Brief History
On August 22, 2007, the Texas Rangers beat the Baltimore Orioles with a score of 30-3, the most runs ever scored by a major league baseball team in the modern era. Sometimes it just happens that one side has all the might or all the luck and really gives it to the other side. This disparity can take place in sports, in wars or in just about in any other competitive endeavor. Here 10 of those lopsided victories that left one side hurt and stunned are listed. What events would you include in the list? (Sorry American football fans, perhaps we can feature a list of one-sided football games. And to you soccer fans out there, Germany’s historic lopsided victory against Brazil at the recent World Cup is probably still very fresh in your memories.)
10. Germany and USSR vs. Poland, 1939.
It is bad enough having to face the Nazi’s newly-created modern military, but then to have the massive might of the Soviet Union come in through the back door gave Poland no chance whatsoever, and the country was taken in just over 5 weeks. (Cracked History note: Poland supplied the 4th-most allied troops against Germany after the takeover, ranking behind the USSR, the UK and the US.)
9. Germany vs. France, 1940.
France not only had a fairly large and fairly modern military but also had the Maginot line and the British Expeditionary Force going for it. Its Char B tank was even superior to the early versions of the Panzer tanks Germany used during its invasion of France. Failure to concentrate its armored forces and bad leadership in general, however, allowed Germany to take over France in a mindblowing 6 weeks.
8. The People vs. Joey Butafuoco, 1992-2007(?).
The Long Island auto body shop owner who was having an affair with a then 16-year-old Amy Fisher got a bitter taste of the criminal justice and court systems when Fisher shot his wife. Joey ended up being indicted for 19 related counts of having sex with a minor and pled guilty to statutory rape. He just could not stay out of trouble, however, and in 1995 was convicted of soliciting prostitution. He was then convicted for automobile insurance fraud in 2004 and later for illegally possessing (firearms) ammunition. He has also been in court for divorce proceedings (Who would have thought?!) and has appeared on the television court reality shows Judge Jeanine and Judge Alex, but at least he won those 2 cases… Perhaps he should stick to television court rooms. (Honorable mention: The late Rodney King, whose resume included: domestic violence; 2 divorces; robbery; some fleeing and eluding incidents; a hit-skip; a couple of DUIs; driving without a license; and crashing his car into a house, finally drowned with his body full of marijuana, cocaine, PCP, and alcohol.)
7. Me-262 vs. Allied Fighter Planes, 1944-1945.
A fighter plane with a jet engine instead of propellers, the German Messerschmitt Me-262 was the first and only of its kind to see combat in World War II. It was more than 100 miles an hour faster than the Mustangs, Spitfires, Thunderbolts and Soviet fighters it faced. Furthermore, its armament included 4 x 30mm cannons, making it a heavyweight in terms of firing ability. In it’s short run of approximately 1 year, Messerschmitt Me-262s shot down over 500 Allied planes, whereas the only realistic way to shoot one of them down was during take off or landing.
6. Secretariat vs. The World, 1973.
Having already won the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness Stakes, the horse Secretariat secured his place in equine Valhalla (or wherever hero horses go when they die) by winning the third leg of the Triple Crown, the Belmont Stakes, by an incredible 31 lengths. His records in these three races are, as of yet, unbroken. (Cracked History facts: A length is the measurement of a horse from nose to tail. In a race, it denotes the distance between horses.)
5. Steffi Graf vs. Natasha Zvereva, 1988.
Graf won the match 6-0, 6-0 in only 32 minutes, and to date this game is the shortest Grand Slam final ever. In Zvereva’s defense though, she was only 17, and she was playing one of the all-time greats who that year ended up winning all 4 Grand Slam titles and even the Olympic Gold. Zvereva did end up, however, eventually beating Graf 10 years later in the third round of Wimbledon.
4. Grand Avenue High vs. Audrey Memorial High, 1964.
In this high school boys basketball game, Grand Avenue edged out Audrey by a “mere” 182 points, 211 to 29. It should be noted that this blowout came before the introduction of the 3-point shot in 1967. Unfortunately, this game is not on Youtube. Just imagine it being something like the video above.
3. Covenant School vs. Dallas Academy, 2009.
In a girls basketball game, Covenant apparently did not have a “covenant” with Dallas because Covenant slaughtered the other team and, with a final score of 100 to 0, left them shell shocked. This blowout was so ridiculous that media pressure forced Covenant to apologize for running up the score, and Covenant ended up forfeiting the game.
2. Mike Tyson vs. Michael Spinks, 1988.
In the sixth-shortest heavyweight boxing championship match of all time, Tyson knocked out Spinks in 91 seconds. The undefeated champion Tyson landed 8 punches, and the undefeated Spinks, a former middleweight Olympic Gold Medalist, a professional light-heavyweight champ and holder of another version of the heavyweight championship, was done, suffering his first professional loss. For less than 2 minutes work, Tyson “earned” $20 million and Spinks $13.5 million. Although there have been one-punch knockouts in boxing, when one considers that both boxers were undefeated heavyweight champions, the outcome of this fight is extraordinary.
1. US and Allies vs. Iraq, 1991.
In 1990 Iraq invaded and occupied its much smaller neighbor Kuwait. The US and 34 other countries told the Iraqis to leave and go home, which they refused to do. In 1991, in a 100-hour war, the US-led coalition forces expelled Iraqi forces from Kuwait and severely hurt Saddam Hussein’s military. Hussein had promised the “Mother of all Battles,” but what he got in return was the “Mother of all Defeats.” The coalition suffered less than 300 killed and less than 500 wounded, whereas the Iraqi forces had as many as 35,000 dead and 75,000 wounded (some estimates are much higher). The difference of over 100 to 1 in human lives lost is incredible. In equipment losses, the coalition lost 4 tanks, 9 APCs and 44 aircraft, whereas the Iraqis lost 4,000 tanks (that is correct, a difference of 1000 to 1!), 1856 APCs and 240 airplanes. Iraq went from having 44 army divisions to only 2 that could still fight.
For another interesting event that happened on August 22, please see the Cracked History article: Leni Riefenstahl: Nazi-Propaganda Queen.
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